I’m exhausted and cold, the conditions here are harrowing, plus supplies are running low. I wanted a banana this morning and there were none. Well, one, but the color was off.
So today no Updike, nor Balanchine, but instead Shakespeare, why not. I feel broody today, broody and tragic. Not broody like a chicken, understand, but the other kind of broody: contemplative.
I have been trying to drink my Diet Coke and coffee (stirred not shaken) through a straw like C. said to do. It’s not so bad, I’m used to it now I might add it as a habit. But I have tea here with me – staining agent — and no straw. The straws are downstairs too too far for me to go, and I just hope my beautiful new white teeth can withstand it. I’m trying to gulp the tea down right past them, I’ve told them to remain haughty and aloof and pretend the tea isn’t even there, it’s nothing to do with them.
Here’s something troubling me. It’s irksome, really, I’m about to be serious. We, you and I, are in the midst of economic crisis. It will be here for awhile and may get worse, and people are going to behave poorly. They’re going to be put under stresses they hadn’t imagined and they’re going to make poor decisions, this is what happens.
And we know this. You and me, we’re pretty sharp. We know that friends will lose jobs, and we might too. Bills may back up, our breathing may become labored, we might lose sleep at night. Our health, then, may suffer, we may snap at our spouse, we may do awful things to people we love, we’re in desperate times we may feel desperate.
And even if we’re fortunate, and our jobs stay fine and our bills stay paid and we can have a bottle of wine with dinner and the occasional small comforts, we will still feel desperate, to an extent, because it’s in the air. And we’ll be susceptible to bad behavior. We know this.
I know this and you know this, and if you didn’t know it I just told you. We know these things to be true, about our nature, we know we know we know. So then going into it, if we know, why can’t we just choose to not? Why will we still make poor decisions, even if we know how that will go? Because we will, we’ll choose poorly even knowing. We’ll think we’re special and not like other people who make poor decisions, our poor decisions won’t affect us that way. Our poor decisions will seem to us wise.
But they won’t be, and we’re going to make them this year some of us, so just be wary. Lay low. Try not to make any decisions at all if you don’t need to. It’s the year of the Ox, whatever that means. And Germany is too far away.