I’m exhausted today, I think it’s mental. And I must, now I realize, type some words here each day or I’m apt to forget where I am. For example, it’s October. The Great Pumpkin is here in two weeks (a little less) and I’m not ready for that or any of it. I thought we were somewhere in June. There are things to carve, fake blood to buy, candy corn to eat, this is stressful.
And I’ve had dreams, they’re unsettling ones. Not the kind I remember in the morning, just ones that unsettle. In the morning I’m unsettled and then I unsettle the rest of the house and so gym clothes are forgotten, and the book report book is left, and the piano sheets — yes, forgotten too. Today is a day of forgetting.
I’m drinking something, a Doubleshot right now, a light one — 70 calories — it brings to mind L. There are a lot of you L.’s, but only one who left Doubleshots on the porch. This one I have now was in the Country Store, and I had to go get it. The Country Store is by a field and there are old-timey gas pumps that I’ve not seen people use. There’s an ice cream selection for the kids, and sometimes cucumbers.
I don’t have a phone yet, have you called me? I’ve found it invigorating, in some ways, without one. In my odd little way, I wouldn’t mind forgoing it. At stoplights, for instance, I am forced now to watch lights and the cars and in lines at the store, I interact. When the kids are home from school, sometimes we talk now, we went for a walk yesterday and looked at the trees. We also went to the bank and while waiting for Kevin, I learned the interest rates of CDs. These things can happen because there’s no option of texting or apps. I read a book made of paper last night, even – right out of my hand.
The list, as they say, goes on.
I had a panic this morning that my laptop was gone, that it had been stolen, I told you I’m unsettled. I ran through each stage of grief before I found my laptop, alive unstolen and well. It feels much later than Wednesday. Remind me to get a pumpkin.