(From M.)

OK, I’ve been following up on the Lisa Mowak story, and I’ve figured it out.

When she was on that shuttle mission last summer, she used the robot arm to retrieve from orbit an old bottle, which turned out to contain a Genie. The (male) Genie is completely devoted to her, but it is constantly embarrassing because Lisa is:

1) A Captain in the Navy
2) A highly-trained, carefully selected astronaut
3) A married mother of 3

She is “more than a colleague” to the other astronaut because he is the only other person who knows about the Genie. The intended “victim,” an Air Force officer (a psychiatrist), suspects that both of them are covering up something and is determined to find out what it is.

The whole episode with the disguise, the diapers, the rubber gloves, pepper spray, and the BB gun was a screwball plan to throw the other woman off the track, gone horribly and comically awry. It will all turn out OK before the final credits roll.

**

Zulkey has ideas, too.

It’s all tied up in the cure for homosexuality, somehow. Mark my words.

(Click here if you thought Prince’s guitar was a penis.)

My outrageously clever friend Mark offers some guidelines for the season’s new hot thing — hosting your own Iraq study group, beyond the bellinis and canapes.

“First, don’t worry about your lack of experience in Iraq or even about military affairs. Hardly anyone in the Baker-Hamilton group has spent much time in Iraq. (James Baker used to pal around with Saddam Hussein, but don’t let that deter you.) Remember this is a study group — you’ll learn as you go along.”

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I’m tired and uninspired (and can rhyme on a dime), send me your fad energy pills or too-big condoms. (That is really just so mean!)

All busy with technical difficulties. And driving to and fro. Will resume witty intellectual meanderings tomorrow or next week. Email me here, I miss you. Really. Also watch Larry King Friday for M.’s friend Doug. Nighttime, I think. Watch all night.

… said that on Studio 60 last night, Matt explained the culture wars to Harriet thusly: “Your side hates my side because you think we think you’re all stupid, and my side hates your side because we think you’re all stupid.” The writers, I bet, had fun getting that one in.

Um, Mark also pointed out NPR’s rookie goof regarding the aircraft carrier Intrepid — in the news for getting stuck in the mud yesterday.

“They kept calling it a World War II battleship … this would only confirm the suspicion of all the right wing nuts who know that we peacenik NPR listeners are completely clueless about anything military.”

I know, duh! Even my seven-year-old knows: the aircraft carrier is five pegs, the battleship is four.

Vote. Don’t tell me who won.